


Not Clickbait!

by TheSubtextMachine



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Social Media, Tumblr Prompt, YouTube, comedian sebastian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28786005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSubtextMachine/pseuds/TheSubtextMachine
Summary: i would love love love to read kurtbastian as a YouTube couple-Prompt fill in which Sebastian posts a video of him spiraling over his attraction to this hot guy who runs a Youtube singing account. Said hot guy thinks its an elaborate joke, and really doesn't appreciate all these people telling him that he should... y'know, watch the WHOLE video.It spins out of control from there.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 14
Kudos: 143





	Not Clickbait!

**VIDEO TITLE: My Beef With KurtSings: Not Clickbait**

-

Sebastian doesn’t expect for _this_ video to go viral. 

Being a C-list commentary Youtuber was working out pretty well- he wasn’t about to drop out of college for it, but he had a steady stream of follows, an enjoyable preponderance of thirst tweets, and enough clout to be a bit of a Name™ on his campus. He’s had videos do well, for sure, but this is a new level of success, and of course it lands on this stupid video.

It’s 6 minutes, shorter than his usual fare, and it’s just him relentlessly talking about how it was unfair for KurtSings to be as cute as he was. 

In what world does 6 minutes of a him being gay make more waves than the videos he spent actual time on? How does his shaky-cam rant as he walks around his house about how Kurt (he’s pretty sure that’s his real name) has been plaguing his Recommended Feed with his elven features and kind smile, and how it’s been ruining his life, get so viral?

Of course this is the video he’ll be known for. At this rate, “My Beef with KurtSings: Not Clickbait” might as well be on his gravestone, it’s such a Big Deal. His _stepmom_ called him about the video.

Even worse, is when Kurt drops the response.

-

**VIDEO TITLE: Sebastian Smythe is Okay Looking, I Guess**

-

Kurt’s not in a bad mood, necessarily.

Okay, he’s fresh off a breakup, got a torrent of hate on Twitter from a group of very persistent homophobes, and a shit ton of people just made him watch a video making fun of his looks by some asshole commentary Youtuber, so maybe he is in a bad mood. After all, who just walks around the house, talks about how annoying an artist’s face is, and calls it content? Kurt can’t even stomach the whole video. There’s only so many times you can hear words that are just code for “too gay, too girly, too _much_ ” before he has to tap out.

Of course all of Twitter is demanding a response, so Kurt pulls out his phone camera and puts on a sunny smile.

-

“I’m going to be honest to everyone here- please stop telling me to watch the Sebastian Smythe video. I can’t even finish it! Watching someone talk about my looks is painful, and I’m not going to opt into a roast session by some, fucking, critic who looks like he plays lacrosse, so… sorry team. I can’t do it.”

-

 _COMMENTS_  
CindyStarr: WHOS GONNA TELL HIM  
70928433queen: Homie…………  
keystoneHoldEm: god tier youtube drama alREADY

-

**VIDEO TITLE: KurtSings Should Go Back to Singing Instead of Talking About Me**

-

Okay, so he went viral for being a little bit gay over Kurt. Whatever, weirder things have happened.

Kurt going viral over being mad at this fact is that “weirder thing”, by the way.

Sebastian is, however, the perfect intersection between an opportunist and a guy who loves poking at cute guys who are a little bit annoyed by him, so he decides that there are worse past times than being KurtSings’ nemesis.

With that in mind, he devotes actual time to his next video, setting it up and scripting out some witty lines, placing his favorite at the very top, exactly where he knew Kurt would see it before exiting out. With a shit eating grin, he set himself up in front of his camera and took part in his biggest weakness and best skill: running his mouth.

“The fact that a man who has a little porcelain doll face has decided to be my nemesis is the only thing on my mind for the past week, and I will now make it everyone else’s problem.”

-

_Twitter_

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
...I got one line into the Sebastian Smythe video. I refuse to watch the rest of it.

Santana Lopez @satanlopez  
honey you know that the video is just him thirsting after you right??? there’s a whole sequence where he goes into how he wants to have a homoerotic sword duel with you that culminates in u putting the tip of the sword beneath his chin and you make rly intense eye contact

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
This meme that he’s into me is incomprehensible to me idk why everyone piled onto it so quickly

Santana Lopez @satanlopez  
they piled onto it because the man is so ridiculously obvious and you refuse to acknowledge it

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
Can’t acknowledge what isn’t there :)

-

**VIDEO TITLE: Youtube Conspiracy: KurtSings and Sebastian Smythe are DATING?!?**

“There’s no way Kurt hasn’t watched the videos. These are two videos about him that have been giffed to the end of the time- he has to be aware of the contents.”

-

**VIDEO TITLE: Discussing the Rumors: Am I Dating Local Nuisance and Personal Nemesis KurtSings?**

-

 _COMMENTS_  
KurtSings: When he piggybacks off of my talent and success for clout [heart eyes emoji]  
Sebastian Smythe: What are u gonna do, sing about it?  
KurtSings: This is the first thing you’ve said directly to me, for the record.  
Sebastian Smythe: Here’s my second: go on a date with me.  
KurtSings: What will the conspiracy theorists think :0

-

_Twitter_

Sebastian Smythe @sebastard  
I’m getting a lot of @s about it but I’m sorry to report- me and Kurt haven’t talked outside his comment section, so we haven’t gone on a date yet :/ worried he still thinks this is a bit

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
It’s bad comedian etiquette to insist that things that are a joke are not

Sebastian Smythe @sebastard  
You’re impossible. I’m a little obsessed with this.

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
Feeling not returned xoxo

Sebastian Smythe @sebastard  
I HATE IT HERE #cyberbulliedbycrush #notclickbait

-

Kurt doesn’t know if comedy has evolved leaps and bounds over night, but he doesn’t think this joke is funny. At all.

This is like those freaky posts he’d see, back when he was in middle school with his contraband Tumblr account, that would say “wake up” just to freak you out. That’s what this is, Kurt thinks. He can’t remember the last time he witnessed a full on campaign of people trying to convince a skeptic that something that was clearly a joke wasn’t a joke since… flat earthers? Was that their whole thing? Is this, like, the flat earth of crushes?

Whatever. Kurt was sturdy enough not to fall for such blatant idiocy and tomfoolery.

Even if it was coming from a guy who was objectively gorgeous, in that idiot athlete way. 

-

**VIDEO TITLE: What Would It Take ?!?**

“I feel like I’ve used all possible avenues to ask this guy out, and he still thinks I’m joking. I’m typing this is not a joke in all caps… I have fans sending him messages explaining that it’s not a joke… I’m losing my mind. What would it take for this mans to believe me?”

-

 _COMMENTS_  
Harr.j.k: I refuse to believe this isn’t an elaborate hoax.  
Sebastian Smythe: Homie I wish it was!!! This isn’t a cake walk at all

-

_Twitter_

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
Stop telling me to watch Sebastian Smythe videos. I don’t care. He and I aren’t dating, and we aren’t friends, I have no obligation to give him any attention. 

Sebastian Smythe @sebastard  
What if I ask really nicely

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
No [heart emoji]

-

The weird joke has gone viral, and Kurt would be mad, but it’s fantastic for his views. Sponsorship requests have been rolling in, even if it’s at the cost of more friends edging in on the joke.

First, when it was Santana? Fine, whatever, that was just San.

Then it was Finn. Sure, he wasn’t as much of a joker, but Kurt could figure that if Finn would find any unfunny meme absolutely hilarious? It would be this one.

He draws the line when his father gets involved.

-

_Twitter_

Burt Hummel @burtincongress  
What is “thirst tweeting” and why is Twitter user @sebastard doing it about my son??!!

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
This is the worst timeline.

Sebastian Smythe @sebastard  
Congressman Burt Hummel… please explain to your son that I have a crush on him in a non-joking way

Burt Hummel @burtincongress  
Is my son’s reading comprehension not good enough to gauge that for himself??

Santana Lopez @satanlopez  
APPARENTLY NOT

Sebastian Smythe @sebastard  
Oh I see… Kurt can’t read… I’ll make it work regardless I believe in us

-

“You know, Kurt, you should just watch the original video,” explains Rachel, slow and serious like she’s talking to a child. “That was easily before this whole thing became a… meme.” She says the last word like it’s from another language, pushing a bit too hard to pronounce it right. Considering she’d been pronouncing it “me-me”, Kurt figures it’s a learning process. Either way, he uses it as an excuse to flop back on the pillow.

“It’s many things, Kurt, but I think it comes from a real place,” Mercedes adds, taking a seat at the foot of Rachel’s bed and putting the bowl of popcorn in between the three of them. 

With a two diva onslaught, what could he do? 

“ _Fine_. But we need to cast it to Rachel’s big screen, I’m not going to share my misery over a phone screen.”

With a cheer, Rachel boots up her laptop, and they rearrange themselves so they can all watch it together.

-

_Twitter_

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
After watching the original video and having long talks with my friends about receiving signals, I would like to extend a formal apology to @sebastard. I was wrong, and I am now coming to terms with the fact that you find me attractive. I would like to ask for respect for my privacy in this difficult time, thank you.

Sebastian Smythe @sebastard  
Are we about to kiss right now? [eyes emoji]

Kurt Hummel @kurtsingsofficial  
If you play your cards right, maybe.

-

**VIDEO TITLE: KurtSings Is A Great Kisser, and I Found Out the HARD Way!!**

-

 _COMMENTS_  
KurtSings: Not a day goes by where deciding to date an internet comedian doesn’t bite me in the ass.  
Sebastian Smythe: In more ways than one!!!!  
KurtSings: [rolling eyes emoji]

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! while on ao3 you can't SmAsH that LIKE BUTToN you can make me smile by dropping a comment, or following my tumblr @thesubtextmachine, where I continue to take prompts!


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